It’s not too often that we are talking about New Years Resolutions somewhere after the end of January. So, let’s have that conversation. Let’s get out that list and let’s talk about how you are feeling about your success.
And how many of you feel deflated?
I’ve cheated on my diet
I feel deprived, resentful…(fill it in)
I’ve missed more than half of my workouts
I’ve taken a puff off a cigarette
I’ve missed more than one day of journaling
People…what do all of the above things have in common….you are focusing on what you perceive to be failures. Do any of these things make you FEEL good?
But chances are you started 2015 armed with a list of resolutions and old goal setting strategies to see those goals through.
That’s why I’ve waited until now to write this blog. I think it makes more sense to ride into a year in contemplation and self discovery, slowly deciding what goals will be a good fit. Coming off the Christmas sugar high before diving into any real goals is a really good idea. How easy it is to set goals for healthy living when you feel like shit hung over from the New Year festivities armed with the phrase,
“I’ll never do that again….” and
“This year I’m making changes.”
It’s easy to make those statements, yet hard to follow through.
So introducing Getting Started(OVER) 101
Chances are if you started some kind of fad diet, you’ve either fallen off the wagon or you’ve decided their products really do taste like chalk. You are going to commit to eating real food TODAY. Just for today. Let’s live in the moment. Let’s be in the present. For today, if it didn’t grow in the ground. If it doesn’t have a mother, you will commit to not eating it. Just for today.
You probably printed off a 5 day workout program designed to show your abs in 15 days. We are more than 15 days in. See your abs yet? Today, just for today, again living in the moment. Being in the present. You are going to go for a walk. Just for today. 15 minutes. That’s it. 15 minutes. Just for today.
So it is now into February and somewhere around day 5 you started ‘slacking’. You have probably been doing a fair share of self flogging. The words lazy, incapable, unmotivated are maybe flowing around that beautiful mind of yours. So next step in getting started 101 is to get your butt to a mirror, to gaze into those eyes of yours and to say, out loud to yourself, “I love you” no conditions no strings. Just for today. Just being in the moment. I love you.
Whether you realize it or not, setting goals and seeing them realized has a lot to do with how you feel about them. When you discover what your Core Desired Feelings are, you will begin to create goals with soul. Goals that get you pumped. Goals that are true for you. Because maybe a 5 day workout plan doesn’t make you feel any of the ways you want to feel! But heading out in nature makes you feel expansive and free.
Maybe it’s not that important to you really to journal daily. You spend a lot of time saying you are grateful in your head. Who said you had to write it down?
Maybe eating gluten-free because it’s an easy way to drop 10 lbs doesn’t make you feel abundant. It makes you feel deprived. Who said you had to do that?
” Getting clear on how you want to feel in your life+work is more important than setting goals. It is the most potent form of clarity that you can have, and it’s what leads to true fulfillment.” – Danielle Laporte
We are holistic beings. What that means to me, is that in every area of our lives we find connection and each area is connected to the others. It’s like a web. When there is unrest, discomfort or turmoil in one, it filters down to the other areas. That’s why this method of goal setting, known as the desire map, is such an amazing tool. Finding out how you want to feel in all of your life areas changes your goals.
If you are looking for some help with goal setting from this holistic perspective, I offer Health and Lifestyle Coaching through my business, Body Integral Fitness, Health and Wellness. Head over there and sign up for my newsletter, chock full of tips to live from the realm of feeling.
Why do I do that?
I’ve never noticed it before.
I am now completely aware that I turn the water off, run my hands over my wet hair one last time to squeegee the water, and then I lift my left foot and shake the water off before opening the door to exit the shower.
I don’t shake my right foot as I’m coming out. Only my left.
I find this odd.
I find it odd that I haven’t noticed that I do this until now. More odd is how I can’t stop noticing that I am doing this. Even odder still would be that with all of the noticing….I can’t seem to stop it from happening! It makes me wonder what else am I doing and not noticing? Is there anything else in my life that if I was to start to notice that I was doing, and maybe changed it, could have impact on my life?
Awareness. It’s where it’s at.
Becoming more aware in all areas of your life can only serve to create lasting change and great experience. Becoming aware means becoming more present in your life. Becoming more present usually means that you are becoming more quiet. In that quiet, things are often revealed and start to become very, very clear. The most amazing thing about all of this is that it can happen in a split second. It doesn’t have to take very long to go from aware-present-quiet-reveal-clear. However, until you become aware you can’t get to clear. I assure you that once you do make the decision to become more aware and start to take notice things will have a tendency to leap out at you. With that leaping, all kinds of clarity can ensue.
Sometimes the noticing is of your own accord, such as:
Isn’t it odd I’m shaking water off my left foot only?
Sometimes the noticing comes from an outside source, such as:
You know, you are really hard on yourself. Putting yourself down all the time.
The awareness can come as a result of a conversation and your reaction:
Wow! I really didn’t like how I reacted to what he/she said.
Or it could come as a result of behavior you are suddenly aware of:
I stood all night at the chip bowl, to shy to make conversation. Just keeping my mouth full so I didn’t have to talk.
Only when awareness of action has been brought to light, however, can the rest of the process start to happen.
Awareness is powerful. Awareness of self and of surroundings and of actions has the potential to create ultimate transformation in your life.
What is the single most important thing you can do to become more aware?
In this over scheduled, time poor society of ours, we tell ourselves that we don’t have time for awareness by refusing to slow down. You may say you do not have time to begin a practice in awareness, but you can’t afford not to either. Since becoming a facilitator of The Desire Map, the unorthodox goal setting system of the amazing Danielle Laporte, I have discovered that one of my Core Desired Feelings is SPACIOUS. By creating space in all life areas, I give myself time to become aware of things that may not be serving me. Or I become aware of things that are working perfectly for me. At the beginning of 2015, only just over a month ago, the number of resolutioners I spoke with, who were to determined once again to ditch the busy badge and to become more aware and present in their everyday lives, was a good 10-1. Going into month 2 of 2015, I have started to here the rumblings of the busy conversation with my clients and around the gym. I have begun to see evidence of less aware actions.
Let me tell you what I’ve done.
In making a conscious decision to create SPACIOUSNESS in my day-to-day living, I have decided to make my interpretation of that to mean slowing down. Much of the need for this came from my hospital stay back in November in which I discovered the Gift Wrapped in Single Ply. It was time to make some changes. The creation of more time and space was of utmost importance. Saying the word SPACIOUS before I even swing my legs over the edge of the bed helps to set the stage for my day. In this daily practice, it is starting to roll off my tongue like butter. My morning shower is slow and deliberate, hence the discovery of the one foot water shake. I make myself walk slowly. Breathe deeply. Feel things. Like the water in the shower. See things. Like the rising sun. I realize that this can’t always be the case, when you have slept through the alarm and forgot to set coffee the night before. It will become more habitual, however, when you start to pay attention to it and therefore make it a practice. You can’t be aware when you are going Mock 9-0. When you slow down, you will be able to take notice. Taking the time and the space to notice the things you do, say, see and feel will help you to become more aware.
I challenge you to find one thing this week that you were not previously aware was a habit or ‘thing’ of yours. It doesn’t have to be a negative habit. Shaking water off your left foot is neither good nor bad. To be perfectly honest, a lot of so-called good things that we do daily also go unnoticed.
Go ahead. Pay attention. Find something.
It will require time, presence, awareness….SPACIOUSNESS. And it will feel amazing.
If you need some help getting started with a practice of awareness, let us help. Head on over to our website where you can send us a message and we can help to set up a program to get you on the road to your best life.
Even as you tie your present bows, ice your cookies, do your last-minute shopping and sign your last Christmas card I know what is going through your head. Trust me, I can almost hear it!
“2015 is going to be the year. 2015 is going to be MY year.”
It will also most likely be followed by something like:
My New Years Resolutions are….This year I’m (not) going to…and the list ensues.
Chances are the things that you are making a mental list of in your head are very similar to those that were on that same list last year.
Oh!!! I can feel your recoil as I say that. The vast majority of you will hang your heads in shame and wonder just what the hell is wrong with you that you are unable to motivate, coerce, force, discipline yourselves to see through to the finish the goals you have set before you.
I am here to tell you, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. There is something wrong, however, in the manner with which you have gone about seeing those goals realized. At least up until now.
It’s time to change your method before Auld Lang Syne is sung on January 1, 2015. Before the ball drops in New York City in Times Square, let me help you to have your new method in place. Allow me to go into the New Year with you and with a totally different plan for seeing your goals through.
“If you always do what you’ve always done, you will always get what you have always got.”- Anthony Robbins
Rest assured there is a new method in town. And it is sexy.
It’s shaking up the goal setting system by its roots. I can hardly wait to share!!!
Want to know more?
I’ll let you in on a little secret.
It is all about setting goals with soul. Jazzed up, spicy, full on fired up goals.
How do I make that happen? You may ask. Why should this time be any different? You may wonder.
You make it happen when you decide to set goals according to how you want to FEEL….
This time will be different because when you learn how you want to feel in your life, then you can dump some of the goals you’ve had that don’t line up with how you want to feel. And if you can dump the goals that don’t fit…you can make room for things that fit perfectly.
I am here to help you to discover how you want to feel and to guide you to make and accomplish the goals you have set out before you.
Feeling is the key. How do you want to feel? Roll that off your tongue. Let that sit and take up residence in your throat.
And then…how do you want to feel here:
Relationships and Society
Body and Wellness
…what about here
Livelihood and Lifestyle
…don’t forget here
Essence and Spirituality
…imagine living from your feelings here
Creativity and Learning
FEEL. I can’t quit saying it. FEEL. Have you ever decided to figure out how you really want to FEEL in all these areas of your life? Getting connected to your feelings with respect to all areas of your life is going to open pathways to achievement that you don’t even recognize! The sum of all these parts makes a whole. And my friend… 2015 is time to embrace the whole.
I am beyond excited that I have had the opportunity to become a Licensed Desire Map Facilitator and a Certified Life Coach. I am beyond excited to have the privilege to assist you in achieving the goals this year that are going to make you unrecognizable to yourself one year from now. Goals with soul.
THIS is the sexy new goal setting method that I spoke of earlier.
It’s called The Desire Map.
Let us help you to determine your Core Desired Feelings as we bring to you the work of Danielle Laporte and The Desire Map. Let’s set those juicy goals of yours from a completely different space. Let’s take a leap!
There are some great new things taking shape at Body Integral in conjunction with other brilliant teachers, also Desire Map facilitators, that we have teamed up with that are going to help you to discover exactly how you want to FEEL (there it is again!!!) in every area of your life. Check out our coming events page here on the blog to view the information on our upcoming Desire Map Workshop: Level 1 happening February 14, 2015. That date isn’t by accident!
You will definitely want in on this.
Head over to Danielle Laporte and pick up a copy of the Desire Map book. And then plan to join us as we dig deeper to get to your Core Desired Feelings during Level 1.
This is life changing content. The kind that makes you quit a job. Leave a toxic relationship. Start a business. Renew a long-held dream. Spread your wings and fly.
I am here to help you. To be the accountability that you need. I want more than anything to see you succeed!
This is shake you up and turn you inside out and turn you on content.
Join us. This IS your year.
Everyone would be doing it.
Let me say that one more time.
If change were easy, everyone would be doing it.
Change is hard.
Change in perception. Change in habit. Change in behaviours. Change in goals.
Those old patterns of being are so well programmed into our brains, in our routines, in our being that it often feels next to impossible to make a lasting change in our lives. The process of change can bring with it the feeling of wearing clothing two sizes too small. It hurts and we long for the relief of the elastic waist. Some breathing room. Some space.
Change is inevitable. Change is always happening.
There are those blink of an eye moments, when a life change occurs in a split second. No time to stop it. Only time to react.
However, the majority of changes that occur in our lives are the ones that we instigate, coach and coax into happening.
How can we make lasting changes in our lives?
Let’s start with what definitely is not going to work.
Pushing and Proving.
Pushing against what might be the normal progression of change. Ignoring internal and external signs of impending or much-needed change.
Proving that while I am making that change that I am still capable of doing what I was doing before.
- Don’t think for a moment that I am not capable.
- Really I can do it.
- I’m just choosing not to.
- It’s not because I can’t…
so much rationalizing
Let me give you an example. I am making the change to take some things off my plate. Creating some space in my life for either new things to come into it, or maybe nothing at all. Maybe it’s just the complete whole desire to feel spacious in my everyday life.
I keep telling myself I can still DO all the things I did before. I keep telling others that I can still DO all those things and it’s followed by a here, watch me… and all of a sudden…
I find my plate heaping full again.
What is with the pushing and proving? I was forwarded the following blog by a friend last week. Shelby writes about how the habit of pushing and proving can continue to come back to haunt you, even after you think you have dealt with it. Read it because we have all done it.
I am a huge believer in listening to what your second brain, your gut, will tell you about where you are and where you need to be with relationship to making changes in your life. Your body will tell you when old habits are creeping back, just like your body tells you when something is amiss in your world. Physical signs such as Shelby experienced can almost be guaranteed to show up somewhere in your meat suit. Pay attention. There ARE signs and again, this is why it is so important to listen to your body. Listen to what it is telling you.
Another fantastic blog regarding your body and it’s amazing warning system also arrived the same day as Shelby’s blog. The Universe obviously had something to let me know. Aviva Romm has an amazing personal story describing how important it is to listen to your body and 7 common signs that you are not!
This is what I have come to realize. If I feel that struggle. The drowning feeling. The dread. The anxiety creeping back in. The body talk. The still small voice in my head that says stop or the much harder to ignore dear friends that give me kick in the ass along with the same stop message. Then I KNOW that my old programming, my old habits are rearing their ugly head. And it is then time to revisit the process of making changes.
We tend to fight changes. Whether or not we know that they are for our highest and best good.
I said before that change is hard, and it is. But it isn’t impossible.
Making positive changes that support the goals and dreams that you have set out for yourself is empowering! There is complete and total freedom in surrendering to the process of change.
I am one week released from the cell that was the hospital.
I am one week post life changing diagnosis.
I am one week into realizing what a gift I have been given.
On day two of intense abdominal pains, worse than labor pains( seriously…that FREAKIN’ bad), I caved and agreed that my husband take me to ER. I could not pant, groan and change positions any longer. I could not visualize myself free of pain. I couldn’t use EFT or meditation. I couldn’t see straight and was on the verge of blacking out.
5 days, three IV’s, numerous blood extractions, a couple blown veins, a lot of peeing in a hat, pushing an IV pole similar to an off-balance Wal-Mart Cart, a great introduction to morphine, an ultrasound, X-ray and CT Scan later….I have a diagnosis that I am going to refer to as my gift.
You know you have heard something similar to the following
“If you ignore the bodies whispers, the anvil WILL undoubtedly drop.”
“The body is always talking to you. Listen.”
I ignored. And I failed to listen until I had no other choice.
I didn’t have time for being laid up.
How puffed up is that? I know we all say it. We have these REALLY important things to do. We are REALLY important people. No one can do it like we can do it.
I get it. But its bullshit and let me tell you about why it’s bullshit and let me tell you why I am seeing this as a gift.
The doctor admitted me that night. I had to stay in the hospital. Like IN the hospital. With the noises and the nurses rounds. With the sick people who need to get well. I was a patient. I was forced to do nothing and have nothing to do. No clients, no classes, no programming, no call taking, email answering, membership sign ups. Nothing. I couldn’t breathe. Honestly, it felt stifling. What was I going to do to fill these days?
I started to divide my day by when the meal showed up. The beige meal. No color. But it kept my mind busy to ponder what else could be turned into a colorless food.
And then they took my food away. So I divided the day up between servings of jello and broth.
Pinterest and Facebook could not update often enough for me to get my busy high addiction on.
I read books, watched some meaningless TV, and got sore muscles from doing NOTHING.
What a gift those 5 days were.
This is what I learned.
I was re-introduced to being present.
It’s hard to be anything but present when you are in excruciating pain. There is no where else to put your mind. But even after the pain, thankfully, subsided I kept taking these check-ins with my body.
Hey Belly? You doing okay down there?
And I swear I could hear it reply.
Thank you for paying attention to me. I’m okay. Thank you.
You should never have enough things on your plate that you can’t check in with what is going on in this very moment. You should never be so outside of yourself with what is going on outside of yourself that you forget to check in with yourself.
Life WILL go on without you manning the fort!
A lot of people will step up for you! Chances are, it’s part of their dharma, life lessons, growth…whatever you want to call it. Thinking about my misfortune as a reason for the growth of others felt kind of awesome. It was kind of like I was affording them the opportunity to change their lives. Grandiose ideation? Maybe it was the IV medication talking.
The people around you whom you call your family, friends, posse, peeps, those lovely souls will get the job done for you. They may do it differently. They may find they love doing this thing you never let them do before. They may discover they are a natural and all of a sudden they have this new passion. All because you stepped out of their way.
Sidenote: This probably won’t happen with the housework.
People love you. However, loving yourself enough to take care of yourself is so much more important. It is the best example you can set. It gives you cred. It is the best model of love.
I received a lot of scolding by the people around me that love me and have genuine concern for me. It’s hard to defend your position when you are hooked up to fluids and drugs. There isn’t much weight in saying you are doing what is best for you while you are laying in a bed with a call button and movable head and foot.
The scolding started long before my all-inclusive hospital vacation. I could walk away or down play the concern of my peeps at that time because I was ambulatory.
Tip: The people who love and know you can see you when you don’t really see yourself. They remember all of your out-loud wondering. They remember all the times you have said in passing about what you need to be doing that you aren’t doing. Frankly, it’s kind of annoying.
“Remember when you said A…B….C…. Why are you not doing that?”
They hold you to the fire. And yet, they do so with love.
I see that the people around me, were showing me more love and respect than I was showing myself with respect to my self-care. Self-care is not selfish. Wanting time to rest and recuperate is not lazy.
In my industry, we are often applauded for our bad- ass- push- the- edge- go- until- you- drop- never- stop- to- quit- is- failure- mentality. Self-care, rest and recuperation, are the two days you take for rest following an event, a competition. Wow! That’s so incredibly stong, tough and bad ass of you!
But that isn’t tough! That isn’t bad ass.
Bad Ass is making changes that you know are hard. Bad Ass is looking at how you have lived your life to date and scrapping what you have been doing up until now that isn’t working for you.
Dr. Phil moment. “How’s that working for you?”
Think about it this way. It’s like that outfit you have pushed back in your closet? The one that you bought in a moment of courage, when the light in the change room was perfect and you weren’t wearing white sport socks and your hair wasn’t static from the dry mall air. But for some reason now you are too timid, shy, scared to wear because it isn’t really the YOU that you have come to know. The YOU that you think is who everyone else knows you as.
That new outfit feels so great and new and exciting when you slip it on. It feels right. It is the perfect ensemble for the event you are attending. That event is your life. And it is time to rock out those new duds.
I think this was possibly the biggest gift.
Gift #4 is combining all of the gifts together as a new map or plan for my life. To be present with myself and with those that I love. To understand I don’t have to be Superwoman and I have all of these amazing people by my side to help me and love me. To have the support of my friends and family to help me to continue to grow into the ME that I want to be. Even if it means rocking a different style.
Oh…and also that I didn’t have to wear an open-back hospital gown. That was truly a gift as well. 🙂
“You should blog about number 5.”
That was the text from my husband accompanied by the following link.
So here’s the link to the article. Check it out.
Mistake Number 5: You Only Work Out on Your Own
While self motivation is worth a round of applause, is remarkable and honorable and often necessary and desired with respect to your training…
There is something to be said for the camaraderie created when you team up with people you know and even those you don’t know yet. Whether it’s to share in the pain or to be accountable to someone else, finding yourself a workout buddy or buddies, fitness class or healthy living support group can increase your chances of success in establishing and continuing a healthy lifestyle.
In-person groups are amazing. Some of the best laughs, workouts and times I have had were during my teaching of group classes at Body Integral or in group training with my friends. The relationships I have made with others in pursuit of similar fitness and health goals have created amazing friendships. Just take a look at the trend frenzy over groups like the November Project and SGX training sessions going on all over the continent. Community kicks ASS! And creating a like-minded community will help you stick to your goals.
I don’t have time. I live somewhere that doesn’t have access to this. Or people scare me….
Body Integral just started offering Quickie Sessions. 20-30 minute intensity driven classes delivered one-one. See if your local gym or trainers can offer the same. Sign up. Community.
Body Integral and other trainers, facilities etc offer virtual training options to keep you committed. And chances are, you have a friend or two that could benefit from a healthy lifestyle goal or two. Sign up. Community.
So, as I posted last week, I had a really, really profound and life changing month at the lake. I wanted to keep track of and really look for the little lessons that I was given everyday. I wanted to pick up where I left off when I created this blog.
thisdayalli is about THIS very day. And what a blessing it is. Good or bad. There is a daily lesson to be learned from the events of your daily life. Most of the entries will be exactly as they appear in my journal. No editing. Because who the hell edits a life lesson???
I am not kidding when I say that this was my first solo run EVER without music in my ears.
Wait, I had music. The trees swaying and cracking. The birds, the pine needles crunching under my feet. My breath.
And a very LOUD mantra I kept saying to keep curious bears away! FEAR IS GONE AND LOVE REMAINS (I’m not sure where THAT came from, but it worked. I did not see a bear!)
Why the hell have I not done this before??
I even stopped to do a Sun Salutation in a sunbeam between the trees. AND LEFT MY GPS RUNNING!
Just got back to our lot, stopped my time. Farther and faster than the week before. But it felt effortless.
This day, the little gem is being in this moment. This freaking fantastic moment!
So if I had to pick a lesson that I learned today. it would have to be being grateful for 10 fingers and rings that came off with a healthy dose of The Body Shop Body Butter.
My swollen knuckle and purple throbbing finger simply show me that:
1. I am capable of physical work.
2. I CAN feel. My senses work wonderfully!
3. I am grateful for the 10-year-old son. Even if I had to bribe him with $5 (hey, he can negotiate) to help stack firewood.
4. I am grateful that he showed concern and empathy after he dropped the log on my finger.
5. I am grateful for the firewood.
6. I am grateful for the recently read research that said that dropping the f-bomb makes your pain feel less intense! Because I did test that research out…and it was legit!